My depression today is a 5 out of 10.
I just feel like I’m moving so slowly. My head hurts. My eyes hurt.
I just feel so defeated by the mess of my apartment. I fee like I’m always cleaning and it never matters. Everything’s filthy.
My thoughts are fuzzy and it takes effort to focus on the things I need to do. It’s 11:30 and I’ve only walked the dogs, had breakfast, showered, and made the bed. Luckily I don’t have to leave for work until 3:00, but I feel so guilty for failing to motivate myself to be more productive in my spare time. I need to apply for jobs, but the thought is overwhelming. Applying for jobs takes so much time and energy. And I just feel like I have none.
There are very few activities that improve my energy. Sometimes I just need to sit and be still and quiet for an hour to keep the internal unease in check. I wish I could read or make art on my day off tomorrow, but as usual I have to pack my free time with chores and things to take care of just to keep it all together. I have to take my cat to the vet, go by the post office, meet with one of my supervisors briefly at work, work out, go to the grocery store… etc.
All I will probably have time and energy to do is browse the internet for art project ideas. Projects I will never get to make. But at least I can imagine working on them.
My hope was to include some poetry in my post today, but I’m so tired. Hopefully tomorrow.